The Lesbian Life Forum on About.com is a place on the web where lesbians can go to chat with one another, get and give advice, meet others and find community. Today, we talk with Melissa Resch who is the moderator for the Lesbian Life Forum on About.com
Melissa, you’re a moderator on the Lesbian Life Forum. Can you tell us how you first learned of the forum and became an active member?
How I discovered Lesbian Life Forum is an interesting story.
Sometime in early 2000 I received an email invitation to join an internet forum for alumni of my first alma mater. I graduated in 1988 and did a poor job of staying connected to anyone from that period of my life. I was unsure what I had in common with other alumni, but was interested to see what a few former classmates were up to.
I should add that I left the Midwest several years earlier and was happily living in Boston as an atheist and lesbian. To put this in context, this happens to be a very conservative Protestant university in rural Indiana. Homosexuality is grounds for being expelled from this university, and open profession of evangelical Christianity is fully expected.
With trepidation I joined this alumni forum and started reading. Within a few clicks I was stunned to see familiar names debating the campus administration’s stance on homosexuality. A few days later I logged in again to discover that the censors had been busily silencing any members who didn’t support the university’s anti-gay policies.
This didn’t come as a shock to me. However, I became curious about this fairly new phenomenon called “forums” – this style of communicating with people over the internet. I thought to myself if there are Christian university forums debating homosexuality, then perhaps there are lesbian forums debating Christianity. I did an internet search for “Lesbian Forums” and the first one I found was Lesbian Life at About.com. I think I stayed up all night and read. I was intrigued with the variety of topics being discussed and found the members friendly and inviting. I immediately joined and introduced myself. That was in March 2000.
What kinds of things can lesbians expect to find on the Lesbian Life Forum?
Many people happen upon our forum through internet searches for answers to their questions. What they find is a diverse community of women from around the globe who enjoy sharing themselves and supporting one another.
We get a lot of women seeking advice on things they may not feel comfortable discussing with people they know in their local communities. I think the most common posts we see from new members are from women of all ages who have fallen in love with their best friend. They are often confused about their sexual orientation and uncertain what to do with their feelings, so they reach out to the Lesbian Life community. For many, this is their first time to disclose romantic interest in another woman.
Sometimes at the forum we see parents with a daughter who has just come out to them and they aren’t sure how they feel about that.
Many members seek a sense of community with other lesbians. They want a place where they can just be themselves and make new friends. Countless lesbians live in areas where they do not feel free to live openly. Even here in the US, most states still allow employers to fire an employee simply for being lesbian or gay, bisexual or transgender.
Members discuss a wide range of topics – anything from travel to politics, gardening to fashion. Some discussions are specific to the LGBT community, such as coming out or sexual questions.
We also occasionally get visits from preachers who like to tell us that we need to repent or we will go to hell.
Do lesbians offer each other dating advice on the Forum?
Sure, dating questions are common at the forum and many members are eager to help and offer suggestions. Some of the questions come from women who never felt confident dating men or never have been on a date with another woman. They aren’t sure how to negotiate the dating scene. Many are curious about dating etiquette. For instance – If we meet for coffee or lunch, is it a date? What if I’m still in the closet; can I still go on a date? There’s quite a bit of anxiety behind some of these posts. What I think they discover is compassion and understanding from other members who have been in their shoes.
Is the Lesbian Life Forum a good place to meet other lesbians for dating?
That’s an interesting question because it raises flags about long distance relationships and whether they can work. Members who hit it off and begin personal friendships on the forum often live far from one another. In fact, it seems to be a pattern that they are thousands of miles away. Maybe there is perceived safety in distance, or maybe our soul mates are supposed to be found on the other side of the globe. Plane tickets are expensive and so Skype is great. What I have observed is that the longer an internet friendship endures and deepens, the more a heart longs to be near the person they’ve come to know and enjoy on the other end of their computer.
That is when it can get tricky. At least one person has to uproot her life and move, sometimes to a foreign country. This puts a lot of stress on a new relationship. Negotiating immigration requirements is also stressful, especially in countries with governments that do not support marriage between same sex couples.
That said, I know of several couples who met through Lesbian Life forum. I smile when I remember witnessing budding romances on the forum. Some of these couples are still happily together after several years, and some are even legally married and raising children together.
In your role as moderator, what do you think are the top three reasons why lesbians come to the Forum?
I think the top three reasons lesbians come to the forum is for advice, a sense of belonging to a community, and fun.
Where can people find the Forum and what do they need to know in order to participate?
The direct link to Lesbian Life Forum is http://forums.about.com/ab-lesbianlife/
It can also be found by clicking on Discuss in my forum, near the top right of the main Lesbian Life page at http://lesbianlife.about.com/.
Anyone can read and observe at Lesbian Life, but in order to post a free membership with About.com is required.
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