In the Amish culture, when a child reaches the age of 16, they are free to step away from their strict religious teachings and explore and experiment with the outside culture. In the this spirit, Sj decided at age 44 to have a lesbian rumspringa of sorts. She decided that she would date and not enter into a relationship with anyone for seven months. Here she talks about her big fat lesbian rumspringa and what she learned in the process.
Tell me where you got the idea of doing a lesbian rumspringa?
I was having dinner with my straight friend and we were talking about dating and relationships. He was (still is) looking for a wife and following his cultural traditions, had just met nine potential wives his mother had set him up with in three international cities. He wanted to marry none of the prospects but still badly wanted a wife. I was fresh out of a short term dating relationship that had ended mutually and amicably – my first since my long term relationship had broken up a year and a half ago. I didn’t want a wife and badly wanted to just date but lamented my ability to simply date without falling into a relationship. So right there, I set a goal of simply dating without exclusivity. Then came the timeline. It had to be a prime number since I have a prime number fetish – he suggested 5 months and of course, I had to up it to 7 months. My big fat lesbian rumspringa was born.
You were used to being in relationships and now were throwing yourself into the world of lesbian dating. Was it a hard transition?
Initially it was not at all a hard transition. I put up a profile on a couple of dating sites (match and okcupid) and was surprised by how easy it was to connect with and meet cute and interesting women in my area. I must admit I got a little girl crazy and was dating approximately five women at a time on a rotational basis in a concentric circle format. The inner circle would usually have three who were repeat dates. The outer two would be first dates. There was always a rotation in and out of the circles that would happen organically but, looking back at my calendar, I maintained that number for months.
I did find it challenging to say “no” in the beginning and would date pretty much anyone who asked, unless she was femme. I am an introvert and have never been cool or popular so this was a bit new and at times, exhausting for me. A few times I whined a bit about having “dating fatigue” but I was also goal oriented and excited about getting to meet so many interesting and cute women. I must admit that deep down, I was enjoying the attention.
How many women did you date in the seven month period?
I estimate about 20+.
What did you learn about lesbian dating in the process?
I was very open about my rumspringa with everyone I dated and learned that it is not for everyone. I became very close to some of the women I dated for a while who eventually would opt out of dating me because I would not break my rumspringa for them. I was sad when they would no longer date me but held on to the belief that the right woman would understand and would be there at the end.
What did you learn about yourself in the process?
I am so glad I went through the process and learned so much but here are my top three.
- I learned that I was a real sucker for hot butches and on two occasions, had agreed to date them exclusively only to retract it within 48 hours as the only thing that was stronger than my attraction for compelling butch women was my dedication to my goal.
- I was able to define what I wanted and did not want when I was ready for a girlfriend. I thought I knew what I wanted before, but I got lots of “in the field” practice to listen to and interpret my reactions to situations/conversations that I may have ignored in the past.
- I adore attention.
- Oh, and women have very wide interpretations of “athletic” and “swimmer’s” builds…
What tips do you have for lesbians who want to date more than one person at a time?
Be very clear and open. I would often say “I may or may not be dating others at the same time I am dating you and if you want more information, I will answer any questions you have, but you need to be prepared to hear an answer you may not like.”
Tell me a fun or funny dating story from your experience.
I met someone who had contacted me for a date and shortly thereafter, had taken down her profile. I was not able to look back at it and had no picture to go by. I was most definitely not attracted to her and we absolutely did not have an engaging conversation although she was quite content talking about herself at length. I finally was able to extract myself from the date and even though I would not have gone out with her again despite my seeming inability to say no, she sent me the following e-mail.
Sj,
It was very nice to meet you. You have a beautiful smile.
Though we might make good friends, I unfortunately did not feel a romantic attraction for you.
I wish you luck on your journey to find a life partner and your athletic endeavors.
Best Wishes
The funny part is that the most shallow and vain part of me was a bit indignant!
What was one of your worst dating experiences?
Dating someone who was not able to admit that she could not handle my Rumspringa despite insisting that she could. When she asked if I was dating someone else and I answered honestly, she responded with a series of unpleasant texts expressing her unhappiness – the last one was “I can get way hotter girls than you. You can’t say the same.”
What was one of your best?
Date where I was taken out to dinner and then a Vicci Martinez concert on Bainbridge Island. This was exactly one week before she was on “The Voice.”
What tips would you give lesbians to have success at online dating?
Google them! Seriously. I would e-mail back and forth a bit on the online site but then switch to my personal e-mail. They would respond and between their first name and their e-mail address, I could usually figure out who they were and could learn a bit about them before our date. They also might use their username/e-mail for other sites like, for example Flicker and there one could to see if they really looked like the pics they used for their online dating profile as sometimes those would not be an accurate representation of who they were.
Remind yourself, it’s just a date. I wanted to put a tattoo on my forehead at times (in reverse writing so I could see it in the mirror )that read “It’s called DATING dumbass.”
