Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask a gay or lesbian person, but didn’t want to seem rude by asking it? Kristin Flickinger figured that there were probably quite a few people out there with questions they wanted answered, so she started the website AskTheGay.com. The site has become so popular, she turned it into a monthly column that runs in Just Out newspaper in Portland, Oregon.
Kristin, where did you get the idea to start a blog answering straight people’s questions about gays?
The idea for AskTheGay.com came from a series of conversations I had with co-workers. I found that, if I brought it up, the straight women I worked with were eager to ask questions about what it’s like to be gay. And it seemed like there was a sense of respect and understanding that came with each conversation. I started asking my parents and their friends if they had any questions, and found that they all did. They just didn’t know how to ask. It made sense that people everywhere might have questions that they weren’t asking, as well. So I gave them an anonymous way to ask.
Are there certain questions you get asked over and over?
When I first started the blog, I got a lot of the same questions (you can read them in the <a href=” http://www.askthegay.com/category/faq/”>FAQ section</a>). There was a lot of interest in gender-dynamics, and sex. People wanted to know “Which one of you is the guy?”
Have any questions surprised you?
The questions don’t really surprise me. Everyone asks from their own experience. The response to my answers have surprised me, however. When I answered a question from a man who had written in about his wife leaving him for a woman after 26 years of marriage, he was so touched by my answer that he found me on facebook, became my friend, and now follows my other blog, <a href=”http://midleap.com”> Midleap.com</a> where I talk about my travel adventures. It was a beautiful connection we made.
What’s the strangest question you’ve ever gotten?
I honestly don’t see the questions as strange. People ask questions from wherever they are socially and emotionally. It’s the purpose of the site. I do find it interesting when people write to tell me I should “find a good man.”
Do your questions only come from straight people, or do gays and lesbians write in too?
I get questions from both queer people and straight people. I write a column for the LGBT newspaper in Portland, OR. I explore most of the questions from queer people there. You can read online at justout.com <http://justout.com>
Sometimes it seems like the questions come with an undertone of homophobia, yet you answer each one with sincerity. Is it hard to do that?
I have found that people who ask questions are almost always interested in the answer, even if it requires them to open their minds a bit. It is critical to me to provide a space where people can ask questions of a gay person, with whatever language they have. If we can drop the fear that we will “say something wrong,” we can begin to have conversations as people, and not as labels. I try to make myself available in the same way in my day-to-day life. I’ve spent time on a riverbank in the middle of wilderness answering questions from a teenage boy who wanted to know how he could be an advocate for his friends who might be struggling with being gay. You never know where a moment of open conversation will lead, or what difference it can make.
